Self-forgiveness: Better than a clean slate!

My husband Walt is one of those people who are close to being saints. We were having one of those soul-searching (for me) discussions when I realized he didn't know what I was talking about.

I was sharing about how I used EBT ("Tell the Story Tool") to allow me to forgive myself for something I did more than 40 years ago that was horrendous, something that could have plummeted me into self-shaming for the rest of my life.

Then I realized why he didn't get what I was saying: he had never done anything wrong. Truly, there is not a bad bone in that man's body (or brain).

If you are like Walt, this blog posting may be one to skip, but if you are more like me, a perfectly imperfect person, and want to know how to get something from it that is BETTER than a clean slate, please read on . . .

The nature of emotional clutter

In general, emotional clutter is all the unprocessed allostatic circuits and associated fear memories that rattle around in our brains and leave us only slightly tormented. It is enough to cause health problems but not enough to have us stop in our tracks and spiral up a few dozen or so times to clear it.

The everyday emotional clutter is pretty easy to resolve and moderately rewarding but not life-changing. The other kind feels like a boulder we are carrying around, as it chronically activates the stress response, and those stress chemicals dim our joy or even block it. Hence, the need to clear it out!

The "Tell the Story" clearing of clutter

As I shared with a participant in a coaching session today, the EBT Tell the Story Tool is very precise. The perfection of the emotional brain demands that we do what is needed after a transgression so that we never do it again. It does not stop activating circuits that cause harm to ourselves and others until we:

1. Tell the story of what happened chronologically.
2. During the story, whenever activated, do Cycles to identify the circuit that made it impossible for us NOT to respond the way we did.
3. Crush each of these circuits so that we know we will never do that again!
4. Choose to forgive ourselves, others, the spiritual, and life itself.
5. Set limits so that we have a boundary in place and can make adjustments in our life so that we will be even less likely to repeat that harmful response.

Wired at 1: Completing the 7 Advanced Courses

Do not rush to forgive. Choosing to forgive before you have cycled through the entire milieu of what was happening during the time that you made a misstep is never satisfying or effective.

The purpose of the EBT Advanced Courses is to do the deeper work so that you can forgive and, out of that process, experience a depth of wisdom that you would not have otherwise had. Looking for adversity and bad choices doesn't make sense, but if they happen to visit you, the repeated use of the Tell the Story Tool leads to a profound sense of peace inside, gratitude for the gift of life, and freedom from the past.

Rewiring with EBT to the point of supreme forgiveness makes for using the Tell the Story Tool a lot during our EBT Journey. If we want to be Wired at One and free from the past, moving through the 7 Advanced Courses gives you a way to have more than a blank slate – profound wisdom and security.

EBT is a structured, efficient way to give ourselves what we want even more than joy: to be at peace with ourselves.