It was a normal morning. I was about to shampoo my hair and my arm decided to reach out and grab a special box that was on the nearby dresser.
It was a broken-down box with cracks in its shiny, turquoise cover (circa 1979), with my mother's handwriting carefully documenting the history of its precious contents: a gown for the new baby I was carrying all those years ago.
The precious contents
It wasn't a store-bought gown, which is what I would have the energy to get now, but an intergenerational gown. My Grandma McClure, then in her 90s, sewed the fine cotton my mother had bought and bundled with a Vogue pattern and sent to her retirement center in Chula Vista, California.
Grandma McClure sewed the dress, with a few "iffy" runs through the sewing machine that my mother later secretly fixed, then brought the dress to me, on bedrest so as not to lose this baby, and I embroidered the bodice, sleeves, and hat. My mother, "Mackey," sewed on the "tatting," which is (if you can imagine) thread made into decorations, all in the hands of women during the Depression years, back before iPhones.
Then my daughter Haley wore it, and then Sarah, Lisa, and Michael, the cousins, and my next two children Joe and John. Now Henry, Iris, and Orion, and now next week, Sabrina Marie.
One look at the box
So, I take one look at the turquoise box and my "Joy Factor" gets knocked out. My first impulse was to put the box away, as I wanted to stop hurting.
However, as a card-carrying (should we have cards?) EBTer, I knew better. What a moment of opportunity to know myself better, stop the cortisol-drenching caused by my suppressed emotions, and maybe raise my set point a little.
Of course, I immediately tried to spare myself excessive work, and I was of a mind to do it later ("always later"), but instead, I used the Spiral Up #1, knowing I would stretch out its use to a couple of minutes, but again, it's so easy to touch on and get through. Notice the "get." It's never initially fun to clear clutter.
Okay, I'll spiral up
Here is my Spiral Up, and keep in mind that I believe in the power of brevity and nonjudgment, as who knows what emotions are deeply accurate and which are just emotional refuse, needing to be expressed and be done with.
The situation is . . . I feel bad. My throat is tight, and I'm a little nauseated. I want to get away from this body and my feelings. What I'm most stressed about is . . . I feel bad.
(Notice I didn't say I want to get away from my feelings. The topic is SO important. If at all possible, the topic is about what I want to stop from happening. If my topic was I wanted to get away from my feelings, the Cycle would be about "why" I want to get away and would not "nail" my real problem, which is that I feel bad.)
(Keep in mind that NONE of this is rational, but even the most irrational "bubble ups" from my unconscious mind help set me free from the past and those stress chemicals.)
I feel angry that . . . my mother has died. I feel angry that . . . I am too old to have any more babies . . . I can't stand it that . . . the whole world of my ancestors that I grew up with . . . is gone. Okay, it moved to sadness. I feel sad that . . . I cannot fly to New York and be there for the christening . . . I feel sad that . . . they don't need me anymore . . . I feel sad that . . . my life is going by and I cannot see my grandchildren . . . (feeling that until it faded) . . . I feel afraid that . . . (OKAY, I popped).
Why Cycles pop as you raise your set point
(The issue is that clearing out the clutter and rewiring all those 5 Circuits makes it very hard to do Cycles. We must always process our anger and sadness, but if those emotions do not latch onto a 5 Circuit, or even a 4 Circuit, after the sadness, there is no fear or guilt, and we are back to Brain State 1.)
I feel grateful that John and Ana love me and are carrying on the family tradition. I feel happy that I can show them a way to value their ancestors, and the legacy is of love and devotion. I feel secure that I will not completely perish because I can't be there for the christening. I will get through it. I feel proud that I am processing my emotions and not just putting the "box" away!
(Now I'm switching to the Spiral Up #3, as this is deep mourning I am doing . . .)
Who am I? I am a loving person trying to model the family respect and love I was raised with. What is the challenge I am facing? I must be there for others even though it is hard. Who do I want to be when facing this challenge? I want to be a forcefield of love and authenticity.
The security of the Take Action Tool
(Last, I'll use the Take Action Tool, as it consistently and rapidly settles me and moves me forward. I love that tool.)
I expect myself to be gentle with myself, as this is a big loss for me. Positive, powerful thought . . . I can do that . . . The essential pain? I am alone. Nobody can know what this loss means to me. I have no words for it. The earned reward? Spirituality. It is a time of gritty joy in which the only place I have to go is inside, and that will be a gift to me, as it always is.
Now I can feel my HPA Axis, my stress response has shut off, and the tingling in my hands and the warmth in my chest are signs of the biochemical blessings of EBT taking hold.
Hey everybody, I spiraled up!
The takeaway from the box
What is the takeaway? What is your turquoise box, that which stimulates an allostatic wire or two to block your joy? Will you put the box away or give yourself the gift of taking two to three minutes and coming alive to the gift of life and feeling those tingles . . . that warmth . . . that renewed life force that makes your day start sparkling once again.
Now, having said "goodbye" to those stress chemicals, I'll shampoo my hair with just a tad more love and joy. Phew . . . it feels so good!