The problem wasn't that I was having a bad day, but that this infection (after my horse, Sammy Rose, played hopscotch on my foot) was drowning me in stress chemicals. Maybe add some work stress and miscellaneous worries about children, politics . . . well, life.
Whatever it was, at 5 a.m. today I was at Brain State 5, and not a pretty 5, but one of those nasty ones that a few spiral ups just don't hit.
The habit of morning joy
As my habit is to not get out of bed until I am at Brain State 1, I eagerly began using the Cycle Tool. All that seemed to do was dig me into a deeper hole. I was at a bleak 5, and although my rational mind knows that's when we can transform our emotional architecture with circuitry "finds" that deliver wisdom, at that moment, I wanted relief!
I used a light touch of a Damage Control Tool, which lifted me to a sturdy 4.5. Then, I applied the Cycle Tool again.
This time, I was in the perfect brain state to discover some juicy wire in my unconscious mind, something that would knock me out of 5 (or 4.75) and into a shiny, even life-defining Brain State 1.
Shaking free from feeling depressed
My topic was: I am depressed. My guilt procedure was pretty bleak: Hey everybody, I do have some power here. I feel guilty. Why don't I just . . . be happy?
Meanwhile, my cortisol-soaked brain was busy listing all my life failures. It was a long list.
The words that appeared in my mind were: I get my existence from . . . success.
Instantly, I felt like I was going to throw up. Then I burst out laughing. That life seemed flat and maybe even a little boring.
Time for a life review
The Cycle Tool did its job. It confronted me with the unconscious belief that was making me depressed and at Brain State 5 going on 10. If I had been at a disturbing but not toxifying 5, I never would have discovered that rather sad unconscious expectation.
It may have been my time of life, too, as according to Erik Erikson, I am now in the 8th stage of psychosocial development, with a natural desire to review my life. In my younger years, I had prioritized staying on my spiritual path, but back then, I never had to relinquish my hope for success. I had not been so close to wrapping up the story.
Make your decision!
Somehow, now, the rubber was meeting the road. It was as if I was in an old Western, and someone was holding me at gunpoint, asking me to choose one and relinquish the other. The Cycle Tool was the gunman. My whole body relaxed. Even if I "failed" in every domain of life, it did not matter. What mattered were my spiritual choices.
What was different? The medications, pain, and nausea amplified my Brain State 5. How perfect was that? Instead of letting me skate, the Cycle Tool asked me to face my stress-chemical-induced vision of abject failure and laugh at it. After the 5 comes the 1 . . . perhaps even 1+.